Ahhhhh sisters, grab a hot cup of tea or coffee and get cozy and comforted for this entry because it’s probably one of the most painful ones I will write. It is the brokenness and gratitude I felt simultaneously. It is the tragic ending that ended up being the puzzle piece that set me free and back to where I used to live. It is covered with God’s grace and sovereignty over my love life! Thanks be to God.
Thankfully, it is years later and I can talk about the ending of my first engagement openly and with freedom. It took some time to heal and have hope that I would love again. One of the things that helped me to call off the engagement was sage advice from my fiancé’s mother. She said, “Kate I recommend that you get on your face and pray and ask God if He is to be your husband.” I was terrified of what I might hear. Consequently, I eventually did pray that prayer on a balmy Spring day in March and knew definitively it was not the plan for he and I to get married. God used two psalms in my story that morning. The first was Psalm 46:5, “God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day.” Well, it was the break of day when I talked to my Mom and told her that I would be calling off the wedding that was twelve short days away. She ordered me to get to the airport and my family would fly me home. When I was on the plane I lamented to Abba. I cried and cried and asked him to count my tears in his bottle as He says He will do. I asked Him to prepare my loves heart for the news and to give me just the right window of opportunity to talk with him about it. I turned my bible a few pages further and I got this while I was flying to Michigan. “My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest- I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.” Psalm 55:4-8
It was not only validating, but absolute divine intervention by the Holy Spirit. I was flying in that very moment to my place of shelter with my Mom where I could take the time to sleep on this decision and talk to him when the opportunity arose.
Sisters, I can not emphasize this enough. If you are in a relationship and having sincere doubt~Listen to your intuitive voice! You know! Your gut will always tell you when there is urgency to shift gears. I am always a resource if you need someone to ask you the right questions and to help you discern if the relationship is the right one for you. May we take a few moments to get quiet and ask the Father if we are on the right path. Breathe Him in. Take this time to really listen for the sound of His voice. If this story isn’t relevant to you may it at least encourage you to remember that God is still the best matchmaker and he is with you in your longing.
Most precious Lord, thank you for your deliverance. Thank you for the urgency of your promptings and nudges. I am listening for you and entrust the results of this situation to you. I’m afraid. I feel helpless. I confess I don’t want to hurt anyone, nor do I want to shake up my world in this way. Please enliven me with your strength and shower wisdom over my mind. You say that I have been given the mind of Christ. I’m depending on you. I’m trusting you to take this. I surrender all! Thank you Lord for the outcome. It’s in Jesus name I pray. Amen