Date Number #14

Sheer Disappointment

In the dating world in this culture it seems to normalize this topic if we as woman communicate about our successes and sorrows.  I know for myself I have so many stories I could tell about one flop date after another.  It can get so exhausting!  For the sake of protecting the identities of these guys, I will speak in general terms to voice the foibles and failures.  One of the things I desire to emphasize to you ladies is the need to have your voice when it comes to boundaries and speaking up for yourself in regards to your wants and needs in dating.  Let that voice get louder that says, “I am valuable, I am deserving of someone who shows up for me.  I am worthy of someone who fights for me”.

Today’s date is kind of humorous because it bookends the actual date I just had in this same location.  Needless to say, this date was a total flop. I was so hopeful about it because he was a set-up and the person doing the matchmaking had told me endless lovely things about him.  He’s absolutely adorable, educated, well-traveled, a graphic designer and best of all adores Jesus.  Unfortunately, the date was awkward, full of many long silences and when he did talk it was all about himself.  I decided when the date wrapped up that it would be redeeming to stay and have my date with Jesus. The setting is a quaint, Italian restaurant in a somewhat hidden location of a strip mall in Encinitas.  They make every sauce, pasta noodle and dessert from scratch and it is delicious!  Jesus and I are communing today on the sheer disappointment I have felt for months as I have tried online dating for a second go round.  I have done everything to put my best self out there, to pray through each date before I accept and I also keep a journal of how I feel during the date and after I get home.  There is some extremely valuable information there to look back on as I decide if I will go on another date or decline moving forward. I feel affirmed in my emotions as I have chosen to write them out in my journal as I sit with the Lord.  He beckons me to come closer to Him and to be comforted in my desolation.  I reflect back to Him what I hear as I listen closely.  I can definitely say I hear the sweetness of the Father telling me such sweet things about myself.  He says I am beautiful, set-apart, one-of-a-kind and that He sees me.  I feel more at peace and fully validated.

We’ve heard it thousand of times and it can seem trite and watered down after a while, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”  I cannot emphasize enough how true it is sisters.  It goes on to say, “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and he will do this:  He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, and the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.”  Psalm 37:4-6  Focus your intentions on him, put the dreams you have into the hands of the dream giver and you will prosper in all you do in good time.  May we acknowledge him in all the possible ways and areas he is working things out in accordance with his will. Let us not grow weary in our waiting and may we continue to pray the best is yet to come.

Jesus~ It’s in you in whom we live and move and have our being.  You are gracious and compassionate to us.  Love is a gift from you, the giver of every good and perfect gift. Father, I give you the many disappointments I have had in dating.  I desire to wait well and to receive everything that you have for me. Help me to abide in you the one true vine.  Abba, I’m lonely right now and I’m tired of watching love come together for so many around me.  I’m happy for them, but I feel so desolate.  Where is my one true love? I don’t want to feel like I need to put myself in particular places at the right place and the right time just to hopefully make something happen.  You are the orchestrator of every detail and I am confident and secure in your being my portion.  You are my reward and I love you.  In Jesus name, Amen.