Date Number #18


The things we are told as children stick with us and develop memory networks that light up in a particular pattern and can make us feel as if we are still a child.  Do you have core beliefs that you developed when you were young?  A core belief might say to me something like, “I’m unlovable”, “I’m stupid”, “I’m ugly” and “I’m undeserving”, ect.  There are countless other ones that I’m sure you can come up with, but those give you the idea.  We also develop negative cognitions that stick with us and can affect the way we think, behave and even the decisions we make.  I’ll give you a personal example:  I have navigated clinical depression since the age of five.  It has been one of the crosses I have been called to bear.  Early in my adult years when I learned about negative cognitions I realized one that really stood out for me was, “I am defective”.  I thought that I would be depressed forever and that my brain was broken and made me even more flawed than I already saw myself.  My therapist at the time helped me to begin challenging those negative cognitions and core beliefs so that I could be free.  I was so encouraged to learn that those neural pathways, synapses and neurons in my brain could actually be restructured.  Even more than that, new ones could develop and change my brain for the better.

Today’s date is at home in my art “studio” office where I can comfortably make a vision board.  I will teach you how to create one today as well.  I feel like this date is almost a Part 2 to yesterday’s entry.  I want us to continue to dream and think about our vocation. It is very much interconnected with who we are.  I believe the more we know ourself, the more we will understand our passion.  I made a hot cup of Earl Grey tea with a little bit of cream, just like the Europeans do it and a plate of coconut cookies from Trader Joe’s. Simply perfect for while I create and design my vision board.

1 Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.  We have the opportunity to change not only our brains, but our spiritual DNA.  By design we were knit in our mother’s womb for good and to ultimately become adult.  Sometimes we must reparent parts of us that never grew up.  This can be done with a reputable therapist, Pastor and Mentor who has familiarity with the above.  One of the ways that I would like you to explore your sense of self and identity is by making a vision board.  It can encompass your values, talents, interests, character qualities, passion, ect.  Start by getting a canvas or thick piece of card stock (or any other medium you would like to use). Cut out images from magazines, collect quotes, embellishments, fabric and whatever else would make your vision board a clear expression of YOU.  I would like you to connect with your authentic self and what you love and appreciate during this particular season of life.  This will spark your inspiration as well as get the creative juices flowing.

Where is your sweet spot?  Where is that place where you feel fully at home with yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually and vocationally?  Perhaps there is more than one place?  Integrate those places into your cutouts and images for your vision board.  How do you want to feel when you exercise your gifts and talents?  Is there a part of you holding you back from being fully adult?  Ask Abba to reveal these parts of you so that you may have victory in Him and move forward.

“May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us-Yes, establish the work of our hands.” Psalm 90:17

Dear Jesus~Thank you that my identity is in you.  Thank you that my earliest encounters and memories are in the past and that I can surrender them into your loving care.  My number one goal is to develop more intimacy with you.  Thank you for the voice of vocation that speaks to me and shows me how to direct my passions and interests.  You made me for this work!  Thank you that everything I have done up to this point has led me to this place emotionally, physically and vocationally.  I pray for radical vision and insight that will help me to integrate all of the individual parts of myself.  The parts that need healing, the unconscious parts that I have yet to know about and the broken pieces that still exist in me.  Please show me the next steps in my healing process. Transform me from the inside out so that I can be more whole.  I confess my insecurities and fears to you and let them go now.  I’m excited to be re-defined.  May my vision board be a true expression of me.  I call myself capable now.  I call myself resilient.  I am beautiful in you.  Being me is good enough for you. My sense of self is complete in you.  Thank you for knowing me and loving me so well.  It’s in your precious name I pray.  Amen.