Date Number #29

The Colors of my Love


I absolutely love the book Song of Solomon; however I do not recommend reading it at just any time.  It is chocked full of the most intimate sweetness between two lovers.   Song of Solomon 3:5 says, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”  There have been many times along my Christian Pilgrimage that I have chosen to refrain from this book because I was clearly not there and I didn’t want to stir up those deep longings.  This entry is not for the faint of heart.  I want to affirm you sisters in your desire and longing.  It is good to have them.  They have been put there by God.  I also want to help free you from any guilt you may have around your past sexual sin.  As Christian woman we are called to purity and that is a big responsibility.  It is not easy in our culture especially where sex is advertised everywhere.  We have become apathetic and let our guards down because it is looked upon as normalcy.  Sisters, if you have a physical past like I do, please please know that there is absolutely NO condemnation in Christ Jesus. He can and has washed us pure as snow as far as the East is to the West.  Allow Him to cleanse you if you haven’t yet.

This morning the sun is radiantly beaming through my office window.   Jesus and I are communing on this subject over coffee and croissants and it is so very freeing.  Psalm 34:5 says, “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”  This scripture has spoken to me powerfully over the years as I have fought a shame-based way of thinking that goes back to my childhood.  Shame-based thinking cuts through into our deepest sense of ourself because it tells us that their is something inherently wrong with us.   Shame makes us want to hide from God and others.  It tells us we are bad, where guilt is an acknowledgment that we have done something bad and have fessed up for it.  May we come to the fountain of living water to be washed pure again.  That opportunity is available to us right now in this moment and I pray that we take hold of it!

One of the things I vowed to do while waiting for the love of my life was to create a lot of art.  That is one of the things that I can do as an outlet and can channel all of that energy into something beautiful and productive.  I’m excited to give Cary everything I have made during my season of waiting.  What does the color of your love look and feel like?  I feel like mine is multi-faceted and thorough.  I love that all these colors can represent an element of relationship.  Red for the passion.  Blue for the heartaches and difficult times. Green for growth and refinement.  Yellow for the sunny, bright days where everything feels right in the world.  Is there something you can do to channel your passion while you are in waiting?  Maybe your jam isn’t art, but I’m sure there is something else you can do.

Do you have a history that has left you covered in shame?  Do you understand shame-based thinking?  Can you take a moment to forgive yourself for your sexual past and allow God to fill you up with newness?  I am a huge proponent of this ladies and my story comes with blemishes and years of choices and compromises I’m not proud of in this area.  I can tell you now that I have full freedom in this part of my life and I celebrate it!  I would like you to come along with me on this journey!  May we pray for purity of thought and action.

Lord Jesus~I am far from perfect.  My stains and blemishes in the area of purity have kept me captive.  Father please bring ultimate liberty and freedom to me now.  I know in you there is no judgment.  I’m so very thankful for that.  God, I’m searching for love and comfort outside of me and I want to know you alone are my everything!  Be my everything in vocation, relationship, extra curricular activities and ultimately a love relationship.  I don’t want to feel lonely anymore.  I long to be fulfilled first with you and then in a significant other relationship.  Please show me what you have to say about this area.  What do you think about me as a pure, spotless bride?  Show me how you made me.  I love your perspective and don’t want to be tethered to lies anymore.  Thank you sweet Father.  You are so good.  Amen!