Love Is Messy!
One of the most vital things in a significant other relationship is conflict resolution and clear communication skills. I have learned through this last year with Cary that our biggest disconnects have come when we haven’t been meeting eye to eye in our communication. For the most part we get along great and enjoy our quality time together, but we do have those relational snafu’s that can send either one of us “off to the races”. Every couple has a relational cycle and pattern that tends to reoccur during conflict. If we can see the cycle early on we can problem solve and know exactly how to bring reconnection and engagement with one another. It is also important to know our attachment style. I have referenced attachment styles earlier on in the devotional, but I want to revisit them. Cary and I both come from a background that lends itself to a more anxious attachment, so we have learned to become more secure through building trust, being emotionally available for one another and trying to never go to bed angry.
Today Cary and I are at a Brewery doing a chocolate and beer tasting and it is heavenly! Who would’ve thought chocolate and beer would pair so incredibly well. The Lord is talking to me today about my disappointments in love. We had a conflict recently and it left me feeling pretty deflated. The good news is we seem to get better and better catching the attachment wound and working it through. An attachment wound typically occurs when the other partner has been neglectful, invalidating, unsupportive or emotionally unavailable. These wounds often trigger childhood pain or trauma inflicted by parents who were this same way. Let’s get real here……Love is Messy! And yet, it is so worth the fight! It’s all about love my sweet sisters! 1 Corinthians 13:1 says, “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not LOVE, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
Are you in a relationship that has a secure attachment? How can you work on your conflict resolution skills whether in or out of a relationship? Do you know your attachment style? Can you handle the reality that love is messy and stick with it? Sometimes our tendency is to run when we have conflict or attachment wounds, but with Abba’s help we can stay and fight the good fight for our relationship. Now let us pray!
Dear Jesus~I feel like I could run away right now and go to my place of safety and rest because of this fight. I don’t want to bail when we are having a conflict, but I’m so deflated and angry right now. Father will you speak to me through your word? I so desire to hear your still, small voice directing and leading me. I love this love and I a desire to be secure in my attachment style. You are the most secure attachment I have. May it be a model for this relationship. Help me to love like the example in 1st Corinthians. Love that is kind, truthful, protecting, not self-serving or boastful. Jesus you are the protector of this love. Please guard us from the enemies schemes. I know he doesn’t like a love that is pursuing you at the center. We will continue to make you our secure and firm foundation. I love you Lord. It’s in Jesus name I pray. Amen!
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1Corinthians 13:4-7