Date Number #45

You be You, I’ll be Me

One of the greatest aspects of being in a healthy love relationship is maintaining your own independence and autonomy.  I love that Cary and I both have our own individual and shared interests, our own friends (who have now become both of our friends) and a level of independence that allows us the freedom to be exactly who we are.  One of the things that can happen in significant other relationships is we become enmeshed, fused or even codependent.  This occurs because of our family of origin issues.  Have you ever been in a relationship where you have altered yourself to become what the other person wanted?  Have you changed your colors or become like a chameleon so that you would blend in in any situation?  These are things that ideally we don’t want to do!

Codependency tends to occur when there are poor boundaries between two individuals.  One of the individuals may over compensate for the other due to immaturity, addiction or poor emotional health.  More subtle forms of codependency are very common.  It can sneak up quickly when two people are too dependent on one another to meet their needs or do not have that autonomy I spoke of above.  I won’t go into fully unpacking these relational dynamics, but I want you to be aware of them and more than anything I want you to be aware of the truth that you being YOU is enough.  There’s no one exactly like you and the world needs your qualities, talents and attributes.

Does your significant other honor your independence and individuality?  Does he seem to have a strong sense of self?  It is so important ladies!  May we embrace who we are and work towards relationships that are interdependent and mutually satisfying.  If you are in a relationship that drains you or where you are over-compensating…..Pause!  There is help out there to work through codependency and to develop a more solidified sense of self.

On this particular date, Jesus and I are at a woodfired pizza place sitting at the bar over a cold and buttery glass of chardonnay.  I feel affirmed by him in the personal soul care work I have done as well as His satisfaction with me.  God made us unique and loves the way he fashioned us.  Let us pray that we can be who we are meant to be.  Our relationships will be so much more edifying and we will be more at peace the more we can know that we are enough.

Dear Jesus.  Thank you for making me who I am.  I want to love me more and know that I am enough just as I am right now in this moment.  I desire for my sense of self to be solidified in you.  I desire wholeness.  Please transform me and my love so that we can have the healthiest relationship possible.  Please mold us and shape us into the fullness of what you have for our lives.  Thank you that you say in your word that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).  I believe that and I want to believe it even more.  I’m trusting and depending on your today Jesus.   Be my rock.  Be my shield and rampart.  Help me to become the best me possible.  I love you and it’s in your name I pray.  Amen!