Bids for connection
Dr. John Gottman coined the term “Bids for Connection” and it is a doozy! It is so true and when I break it down for you you are going to be amazed. Gottman talks of connecting and building intimacy, but unfortunately we can’t achieve those levels of connection and we do particular behaviors which are so called “bids for attention.”
I am simply humbled today at the grace of God in my relationship with Cary. We have had a tough few days to say the least. It has been a spiritual battle and yet some of the most fun too. How do we reconcile these kinds of tensions in our life? Do you recognize the “bids” you make for your love’s attention? Do you understand what a “bid for connection” is?
Today Jesus and I are sitting at an Italian Cafe North of me. I could eat like an Italian all of my days, but unfortunately my Type 1 Diabetes can’t handle that way of eating. Jesus is talking to me about intimacy with my love and how I can do it better. Sometimes I make these bids when I am over tired or especially when I feel like he’s not paying enough attention to me. This makes me feel very vulnerable and pathetic as a woman. That may sound extreme but it really has that affect. We are getting so much better at connecting more completely emotionally and spiritually. It is so vital, sisters!
John 17:22-23 says, “I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” My dear ones, we have been called to intimacy with God first and then with one another. May we draw near to Him and He will draw ever near to us! Now let us pray for intimacy and no need for “bids for connection” because we are so in tune and so in unity with our loves.
Dear Jesus~I love intimacy with you. I adore intimacy with my fiance. It is so very sweet! Would you help me today to not seek those unnecessary “bids” when I am feeling insecure or afraid. I know he loves me completely and I don’t need to go after him that way. I need to be content in you first and then my other relationships will follow. Thank you for your grace in our relationship. It has been a challenging few days to say the least. It has been a battle Lord Jesus and my heart grieves it. We are going to have to set some new boundaries and hold one another’s private life details closer to our hearts. Please forgive me for my part in the last couple days battle. Please forgive and wash clean everyone involved for your glory. Correct us, convict us and shape us for our good. Thank you Jesus. You are good and you are God! Amen.